Episode 135: Words I Never Thought I’d Say...

Sometimes you can get exactly what you thought you wanted… and realize it doesn’t feel the way you expected it to.

That’s the experience that prompted this episode.

I’m sharing a personal story about my daughter stepping away from club soccer in the middle of a season, but the bigger conversation is really about what happens when something you once said yes to becomes a no.

As a family, we have always valued commitment. We’ve taught our kids that when you make a commitment, you follow through. You show up. You don’t just quit because something gets hard.

So what happens when the reason for wanting to leave isn’t that something is hard, but that it simply doesn’t feel right anymore?

And how do we know the difference?

This experience brought up so many bigger questions for me about self-trust, sunk costs, identity, joy, commitment, people-pleasing, and the stories we create about what other people might think.

Sometimes you don't know until you're in it

One of the hardest things to understand is that we don't always fully know what we want until we're actually living it.

Sometimes we can envision something, work toward it, write it down as a goal, and finally get there, only to realize:

This is everything I thought I wanted… but I'm not happy here.

That can be incredibly confusing.

It can happen with a job, a relationship, a business, a home, a friendship, an activity, or any other area of life.

And when it does, it can be tempting to think that because we wanted it before, we have to keep wanting it now.

But maybe the experience itself is giving us new information.

When the investment makes it harder to let go

The longer we've spent doing something, the harder it can be to step away.

There's the time.

The money.

The energy.

The memories.

The identity we've built around it.

And sometimes we look at all of that investment and think, How could I possibly walk away now?

But walking away doesn't erase any of it.

The growth, friendships, memories, resilience, lessons, and joy that came from something still belong to us.

We don't have to keep doing something forever in order for the time we spent doing it to have been worthwhile.

Are you committed to the thing, or committed to yourself?

This was one of the biggest questions for me.

There is value in honoring commitments. There are absolutely times when we need to push through something that is hard, uncomfortable, or not particularly fun.

But there is also a difference between something being hard and something no longer feeling aligned.

Sometimes we need to ask:

How am I actually feeling?

Do I still enjoy this?

Is there a way to make this work while still feeling good?

Am I staying because this is genuinely right for me, or because I'm afraid of disappointing someone?

And sometimes the harder thing is actually admitting that something isn't right anymore and walking away.

The importance of loving the process

We often think success comes from figuring out what we're naturally good at and pursuing it.

But I think there's something even more powerful about finding something you genuinely love and are willing to work hard at.

You're going to have hard days. You're going to have moments when you don't want to show up. You're going to have highs and lows.

But when you love the process, the work becomes part of the joy.

And when the joy disappears, it's worth paying attention to that.

We can't control other people's stories

Another huge piece of this experience was the fear of what other people might 

think.

What if they're mad?

What if someone says something mean?

What if they think they know why you made the decision?

What if they create a story about you that isn't true?

The truth is, we can't control other people's narratives.

We can't control how someone interprets our choices or how they feel about them.

What we can control is how we show up.

We can approach difficult conversations with kindness.

We can be honest.

We can feel comfortable with our decision.

We can trust the empathy and kindness of others.

And then we can release the need to control how it's received.

Trusting your yes and your no

Sometimes your yes becomes a no.

And neither one was wrong.

You can genuinely want something at one point in your life and later realize that you don't want it anymore.

That doesn't mean you were wrong before.

It means you learned something.

Sometimes we don't know until we're in it.

But once we know, we can trust that feeling.

And that is part of trusting yourself.

Choosing again without regret

I don't want to look back at the years invested in something and think they were wasted because we chose a different path.

The time mattered.

The memories mattered.

The friendships mattered.

The lessons mattered.

And all of those things can come with us even when we choose something new.

We can appreciate what something gave us without deciding that we have to stay there forever.

And maybe the biggest reminder...

This experience has reminded me to enjoy the journey.

To enjoy whatever stage my kids are in right now.

To enjoy whatever stage I'm in right now.

To try not to stress over the things that are outside of my control.

Sometimes things are working out and we get to say, This is everything I dreamed. I love all of these pieces of my life right now.

And sometimes we're shown something that doesn't feel right so that we can redirect our energy.

We can be thankful for that contrast, too.

Because sometimes this isn't it is exactly what helps us recognize what is.

And if there's an area or piece of your life that isn't feeling so good, it's okay to shift.

It's okay to choose again.

And to keep discovering what truly lights you up.

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